“The more we like people, the more we want to say yes to them.”
Robert Cialdini
Arizona State professor Robert Cialdini has been studying the field of social influence for over 35 years. The Rule of Liking is one of his six universal principles. In his 1984 classic, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, he talks about Joe Girard, considered the “greatest car salesman” by the Guinness Book of World Records. He sold five cars or trucks every day he worked!!
When asked how this happened, Girard simply said that people had found:
a) Someone they liked to buy from
b) A fair price
From a referral standpoint, the question to ask yourself is, ‘what can I do to be more liked by this person?’ This truly is pivotal because the rule states that the more people like us, the more they want to help us.
Cialdini elaborates on what OFTEN helps us be better liked by others:
1. Physical attractiveness
He cites studies from the political, legal, HR and educational fields that indicate startling findings: we often vote for the candidate we find more attractive; we often hire the people we find more attractive; lighter sentences and more favorable verdicts for damages are awarded to more attractive people, and school teachers are more lenient with more attractive students.
I know, I know: you wouldn’t let such a thing influence you! Cialdini argues these things often happen unconsciously and automatically.
DO IT! No, not plastic surgery, but at least think hard about your health habits and dress code. Brian Tracy notes that he was shocked when he realized that many of the triathlon and marathon runners he knew were also the highest achievers in their fields.
2. Similarity
Since most of us are average-looking, there is still hope: “We like people who are similar to us.” This can vary from opinions, personalities, background, lifestyle, age, religion, politics, and the way we dress to seemingly trivial similarities like the rock bands we liked when we were 14.
DO IT! Taking the time in meetings to find more common ground with others now looks a whole lot smarter. Make a stronger connection! How conscientiously do you do this?
3. Compliments
So what else did Joe Girard do to make such remarkable sales? He sent greeting cards every month to the 13,000 plus people in his network. Inside the card were three words: I like you
And his signature.
Now, this was the 1970’s and, if you’re like me, you’re thinking “that’s so corny and transparent.” Cialdini believes otherwise: “Joe understands an important fact about human nature: we are phenomenal suckers for flattery.”
DO IT! No, not false praise, but it is time to ask yourself how often you say nice things to others and how often you are keeping in touch with your clients in a way that makes them feel good. One solution I have created for business owners and sales people to add a consistent positive touch is a Chicken Soup for the Soul-style, hassle-free monthly e-newsletter. If you’re curious to see what that is, click here.
4. Contact and cooperation
Frequent Contact: we do not realize how much we are influenced by exposure to something on a repeated basis – this is why you will get more business (including referrals) from people if you keep your name in front of them year-round.
Cooperating with others on a common project or for a specific cause can be a powerful reason for liking. A great example of this is mentioned by Thomas J Stanley in Networking with Millionaires: “People see you at your best when you are doing something for a charitable cause.” You are so much more likely to make deeper connections through non-profit work or with the same professional association than by meeting someone at a business after-hours because you have more commitment invested in the same project.
5. Positive and Negative Association
Negative Association: you’ve heard the phrase ‘kill the messenger’. After years of poking fun at meteorologists, I had no idea that it was not unusual for them to receive hate mail and worse because of their predictions. People have blamed them for spoiling travel plans, crops, basements, weddings, and almost everything else under the sun.
Here’s a true story too funny not to share from David Langford of Associated Press:
“Tom Bonner, 35, who has been with KARK-TV in Little Rock, Ark, for 11 years, remembers the time a burly farmer from Lonoke, with too much to drink, walked up to him in a bar, poked a finger in his chest, and said: “You’re the one that sent that tornado and tore my house up. I’m going to take your head off.”
Bonner said he looked for the bouncer, couldn’t spot him, and replied, “That’s right about the tornado, and I’ll tell you something else, I’ll send another one of you don’t back off.”
Positive Association: This is why products use celebrities to endorse them – sales increase; it’s why products call themselves the “official” hair spray/deodorant/checking account of the US Olympic Team. Irrationally the product has more credibility so we like it more. It’s why companies use attractive models to enhance what they’re selling.
Two other interesting additional revelations:
a) Politicians and fundraisers know that people will approve of you more (and give you more money) after you have fed them a nice meal. Feeding people can boost likeability.
b) Some people are fanatical about their favorite sports teams; sharing a love for the same team can boost your L-Factor. Somehow, that team starts to represent you and prove your superiority – when they win. It is highly amusing to note that most people say the following after a game:
When your team wins, you say “WE won!”
When your team loses, you say, “THEY lost.”
DO IT! This is one reason why it is always wise to speak positively and optimistically about your business or company. Other people want to associate with winners.
As a reminder: for more referrals, the question to ask yourself is, ‘what can I do to be more liked by this person?’ Use the ideas above because the more people like you, the more they want to help you. And, please forward this to someone important in your business world. Spread the wealth!