Based on all the research and every study ever done of what it takes to be successful and fulfilled in our society, exceptional people—like you and those in our network—are either in the top 10% of their industry or moving that way. How do I know this? Because only people such as yourselves—the elite top ten percent—take the time to read sales literature like this and develop themselves professionally and personally. This isn’t just some clichéd sales advice: read almost any autobiography of a top performer from Serena Williams to Jeffrey Gitomer to Stephen King. They are students of their field and they take action on what they learn. You already have one of the most challenging jobs in our society dealing with rejection and setbacks daily, so through your persistence, learning and action, you put yourself in the top 10% if not this year then in the next 3-7 years.
There. That’s me acknowledging you and I mean every word of it.
The purpose of Step One in my Six Steps to a Fearless Referral Conversation is to commend your clients for the smart decisions they have made.
People love it. Even if they have made some poor choices in the past, they will appreciate you highlighting what they got right.
Taking time to acknowledge others is POWERFUL. I learned this idea from a sales manager named Dutch. If there is a secret weapon to improving relationships quickly, this is it. Robert Cialdini might call it complimenting people, but rather than saying “my, what brown eyes you’ve got,” the goal is to be factual about identifying a trait or action that has produced positive results.
In 1896 it was Henry Ford talking to Thomas Edison (who was his next door neighbor). He was explaining how he was developing a gasoline car. Edison thumped the table and exclaimed not only that it was a great idea but also explained why he felt that way. Ford was later to write: “That bang on the table was worth worlds to me. No man up to then had given me any encouragement.., here, all at once, and out of a clear sky, the greatest inventive genius in the world had given me complete approval.”
Today things are no different. People are crying out for positive recognition. This is why recent best-selling authors, such as Tim Sanders and Keith Ferrazzi, are such strong advocates for open, authentic and meaningful relationships in the workplace. Proof of this is demonstrated in Tom Rath and Donald Clifton’s How Full is Your Bucket? They cite Gallup research, which found two things: a) lack of recognition is the No. #1 reason why Americans leave their jobs; and b) 65% of Americans received no recognition in the workplace in 2003! Lack of income actually came in fifth place. Once you start getting good at this, you will be surprised by how much others appreciate your feedback.
This is not some fake exercise about glossing over something unsightly. People will see through that. But for you to put some thought into what your client has done that many other people haven’t will be received with sincere gratitude. After all, since 50,000 thoughts go through our heads each day, and on average 80% of them are negative, we can be assured that most people spend much of their time berating themselves.
There are three rules to your acknowledgment:
1. It must be sincere
2. It must be specific
3. It must be true
This is not as easy as it may sound. There’s a reason why few people do this already and do it well. For those of you who are naturally empathic, you probably already do this. But you are in a small minority. For most of us, it takes practice—quite a lot of practice. I have found this a difficult skill to master.
If ten of us were to put this book down right now and go and coach soccer to a group of 12 year-olds, the “feedback” about eight of us would give them at the end would likely be something general such as “good job guys—well played.” It’s the business equivalent of “thanks for coming in today; it was nice to see you.” This is empty, white bread content that provides no useful feedback.
But to take the time to think of specific actions and character traits demonstrated is altogether different—and the other person knows it too. What specific things has this person done that merit recognition above what every other person does in a similar situation? In other words: what does this person do that most would consider above and beyond?
• What qualities did this person need to make the specific wise choices that they did?
• In other words can you acknowledge them for their courage or persistence?
• Where did they show self-discipline or sacrifice instead of making an easier choice?
• Where did they take a higher level of responsibility compared to others?
Everyone goes to greater lengths and takes creditable actions with one of their passions—is it with their children? Their pet? A hobby? A service project? Can this relate to your line of work or conversations you might have with that person? Even my hairdresser, Brittany, pointed out to me that not many people would spend five hours on a Saturday to work on their book. That made me feel acknowledged.
Matt Loverine, one of my recent clients, is so effective at Step 1 that he will often be given referrals on the spot. He makes people feel so good about themselves for the wise decisions they have made, that their brain instantly starts to think of others who would like to feel the same way. “You should talk to the other guys in my department,” a client will say or “You know, my sister should meet with you.” I cannot tell you this happens often for other people, but I do believe that much of that is because most people are really weak at the skill of acknowledging others!
I remember Matt sharing with me one example in which he was working with a client who had just been downsized from a car plant after 30 years. This man had saved his money over the years, and Matt shared with him his utter disbelief that some of this auto worker’s peers had done the same yet decided to spend their savings rather than re-invest it. As he slapped his own knee to emphasize how crazy he thought this was, he said: “I met with two of your co-workers. One of them blew all his money on a Harley after he was let go, and the other decided to spend 22 years of his carefully set-aside savings and blow it all on a trip to Vegas!! Believe me: you will be so happy with yourself five years from now—and as you hit 70 and 80 years old.”
Ideally strive to make the other person feel as though he or she is in a small minority of the population who makes smart decisions.
If you have third-party statistics, I would recommend using them because then you won’t sound biased or like you are making something up.
Example 1: “Before we wrap up, I want to take a moment to commend you for deciding to take proactive steps about your retirement future today. I’m sure there were more fun things you could have done with this time, but that’s why successful people are willing to do the things unsuccessful people are not, even though successful people don’t feel like doing those things either!
Amazingly, 55% of Americans with retirement plans are receiving no professional guidance. They are walking around blind. Kudos to you for taking the bull by the horns and getting yourself out of a potentially perilous situation. Ignorance is not always bliss.”
The next example makes general reference to the three areas the client has made decisions on—which can be an effective strategy:
Example 2: “Before we talk about next steps here, I want to acknowledge you for taking the action you have. Procrastinating on the decisions we have made about your estate, your legacy, and how you want to invest in the next five years would have been easy to do. It’s easy to ignore something like long-term planning when you’re as busy as I know you are, but this is precisely the kind of planning that too many people ignore and then regret later in life.
I came across a fairly recent article the other day (in a 2004 Journal of Political Economy) which reported that the average American (58%) spends more time picking out a new tennis racket or TV set than deciding on their contribution rate and investment allocation on a retirement plan. So I hope you realize how wise this time investment has been!”
DO IT! Everybody likes recognition. You’ve likely heard the expression “feedback is the breakfast of champions”. I first read it in Spencer Johnson’s The One Minute Manager. This is your opportunity to say positive things to your client for making some good decisions.
Who else would appreciate these ideas? Please pass it on and share the wealth.