The Relationship Business: 4 Areas to Master Relating to Others

What strikes me more and more about being human is that we all have very similar needs and wants, yet most of the time we act as if we have little in common with most people and are completely different from them. This is bad for business.

I’d like to share a few observations. What motivates me to write this is my own recent surprise noticing that we are all so much more alike than different. Since I used to love seeing myself as totally independent and unique, it’s giving me a paradigm shift – some of you will laugh because you have known this for years. Regardless of who you are, apply these truisms to how you see and treat your clients - and why not everyone else in your life?

1. Almost all people worry about the same things.
We want to be loved and acknowledged, treated with respect and not feel lonely. We all want peace of mind – and indeed many of you reading this are in the business of providing just that. We worry often that we’re not good enough and that people will notice this, so we try our best to look good and say that everything’s ‘fine’ – which is so ironic because the only people who have no problems are the ones in the cemeteries! Why is it therefore not socially acceptable to acknowledge this?

 Underneath, many of us think we don’t deserve success (even though we rarely take the time to define what this might be for ourselves!) and even that we don’t deserve love. We have money worries and wish we had less stress. The flip side to that are the people who act like they are better than everyone else. This too is a cover up, a fear that others will find out that they are not perfect.

How This Helps Your Business: Most people are not naturally very empathic – besides we’re really too busy for that, right?! Seriously, the more we realize that life is not easy and that on any given day, many of the people we talk to are faced with real challenges, we – YOU - can be a much more authentic, caring individual. You can connect better with clients, prospects, loved ones and strangers. Given how crazy busy everyone is, your behavior is going to set you apart pretty quickly and in a very positive way. I truly believe the businesspeople who do this will be the big winners in this century (along with some online geniuses)

2. Usually unwittingly, we find excuses so that we do not take full responsibility:
For our health, our finances, and our relationships with key people – that the problem is ‘out there’ and it’s not our fault. Somebody else screwed you over. We say we don’t have the time or the money (even though we have no problem spending both on something else), that something bad happened many years ago, and on and on and on.

How This Helps Your Business: What do your clients need to take more responsibility for? How can you communicate that to them in a way that gets them to take action for their own best interests?

3. One of the curious obstacles to being fulfilled in all areas of our life is our strengths.
Yes, you read that right. Our strengths take us to a certain point, but they also limit us from truly being happy. I used to think my independence was all a good thing. Even though I have revered the writings of Stephen Covey for well over 10 years, I only now realize that his 6th habit – synergy – was one I have completely ignored!

One of the most common mindsets that actually LIMITS you is the belief you can do everything yourself and that others should in fact leave you alone because you can do it better on your own!

How This Helps Your Business: Firstly, are people better off from working with you or should they just do it themselves? Are you open to the idea that in some areas of your life or business, you would be better off from accepting direction, support and accountability from someone who specializes in that area? What area is that?

The obvious solution here is to think of an area that’s not working as well as you would like and ask yourself: how’s that independent person (you!) succeeding in this area?

For example, if you want more referrals, let me know! I can help you if you’re willing to let me.

Lastly, how can you use this knowledge to be more compelling with your prospects who think they can do it themselves? It’s time to stop thinking that independence is ALL good.

4. Most people are afraid of those they do not know
They will avoid making eye contact with you and engaging in conversation. I didn’t used to believe this but now am astonished at how true this is: start paying attention to those you see in public or even those driving. I notice it more now when I walk my dog. A friend I had coffee with recently told me that she sometimes pretended to talk on her cell phone if she saw someone she knew and didn’t want to talk to! From a business stand point it often means that not only are you apprehensive about talking to strangers or people you’ve barely met but they are afraid of you too – you can use this to empower you if you want! Why do you suppose so many people hate picking up the phone?

How This Helps Your Business: Referrals: You may not agree that most people are initially afraid of you. However, if you can concede that most people are wary and cynical of someone they don’t know, a referral they get from someone they know, like and trust will be more powerful than a clever marketing ad or having to go to the Yellow Pages.

Networking (growing your network by meeting new people) – why do so few people do it when they all want more prospects? Talking to strangers makes many of us uncomfortable. It doesn’t have to be that way especially once you realize that everyone else is uncomfortable too! Use that knowledge to be empowered.

Being aware of common obstacles and challenges that most of us have can help you address these when doing your best to meet your clients’ needs. They may well not see what is in their way. The sooner you do, the sooner you can communicate this effectively and that will lead to more business and a victory for all. Good luck!

Who else might appreciate reading this? Please share the wealth and forward it on.