One way to get a real breakthrough in your life

Last weekend I was fortunate enough to take a personal development program that a very successful friend of mine had recommended. I cannot begin to share how helpful it was for me and I would feel irresponsible not to at least make you aware of it too. Here are a few of things I got a new perspective on.

Authenticity

This has become a buzz word lately in business and that’s good. In an age where we seem to get busier by the week, it was refreshing to stop and ask myself: where am I being inauthentic? Where am I lying to myself – pretending that certain things are okay when deep down I know they are not? What do I do to look good because I am afraid of looking bad? In a way it’s laughable because everyone has problems, just as every family has dysfunction – who are we trying to fool? Much of the time everyone else knows before we admit it to ourselves!

One of the things I have done a better job with this week is I’ve taken more time to connect personally with the people I’ve met and actually recognize that they have lives and things to share and not just a desire to get more referrals!

Ask yourself: What’s really important to me that I am ignoring or procrastinating?

If I look at the people I met with last week, did I take time to ask them about their lives and did I then dig further and really listen?

Make peace with those in your past

Unspoken and unresolved problems from our past prevent us from moving forward and getting on with our life far more than we realize. We have to get complete with our parents and closest loved ones (even if they’re dead).

What I really liked about the program I took was that I was expected to accept two things: 1) that I had made up a story about that person that may not have been true. In other words once we believe something, we only look for supporting evidence. For example, here are two beliefs held by people you’ve met that are quite different:

Most men/women cannot be trusted.

Most people are good-hearted and trustworthy.

We see what we already believe. So what we tell ourselves about every person we know becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we think they are forgetful, we only notice the times they forget something and not the things they remember.

The second thing that impacted me was that when resolving the past, I was expected to take responsibility for what I did including what I told myself about this person. This was tremendously liberating. I had always put all the blame on the other person which, as I look back, always left me feeling powerless. Not good, right?

Ask yourself: Who am I still blaming from my past? How can I communicate with them what I was responsible for?

The program I took was very effective in getting me to take action. That’s one of the limits from reading it in an e-zine like this or even hearing it on an audio. Getting leverage on yourself requires emotion. It was very difficult for me to take action – it was Day 3 of the program before I mustered up the courage.

A curious contradiction about our strengths

Every since I took the Gallup Strengthsfinder test I have been a huge advocate for building my life (and those of my clients) around our strengths. Last weekend I got some new insights that now make me qualify doing that. I still see that trying to improve our weaknesses is not smart. However, what I learned is that our strengths put us on automatic pilot in how we deal with our life and this has limits. Our strengths do take us to positive places BUT they often leave us feeling dissatisfied. This was a startling revelation to me.

For example: I am very driven, independent and I love to learn. These help me enormously as The Referral Authority. They do not always help Matt Anderson experience a balanced life where I prioritize a great relationship, a family and time enjoying the other things I love: visiting my family in England, the outdoors, Premiership soccer, reading fiction, camping and recreational travel. These things almost always come second.

Arguably our biggest challenge.

Why is it that we get stuck in repeat patterns in our life? We get in the same kinds of relationships, lose and gain the same weight, spend just a bit more than we earn, find that what we are good at doesn’t quite leave us feeling satisfied with life, and live most of our days living in ‘some day’: saying ‘some day I’ll do that’, ‘some day I’ll have that’ and ‘some day I’ll be that’ so we never enjoy the present.

The answer is because we don’t know what we don’t about ourselves. We don’t understand that somewhere along the line we had an experience that caused us to make a decision. Sadly we made this decision without being remotely aware that we did. This was my breakthrough on the program – realizing that a painful ended relationship at 18 had prompted me unwittingly to say to myself: ‘I’m not putting myself in such a vulnerable position ever again. It is too painful’ and having held back in relationships, picked ones that had almost impossible odds, or avoided them ever since.

The scariest part is that I had no idea I had done this. None. And the truth is the same for almost everyone else in some area of his or her life. I feel like I have exhumed a dead body from inside me. I promise you my experience is pretty typical for those who do what they’re advised during this program (not everyone does but most people do because they know it’s in their own best interests).

The Landmark Forum

If you’re interested in the specific program I took, it’s called the Landmark Forum and their website is www.landmarkeducation.com

For the cynics out there (and I am one of them!), I get no financial benefit from endorsing it. My win would be hearing from you afterwards thanking me the way I thanked the woman who recommended it to me. It is an unusual approach to self-improvement and there were times when I was ready to walk out. It is an emotional roller coaster of an experience and is NOT a seminar where you sit, take notes and nod your head every once in a while. So be warned. The organization takes some getting used to and I am still not quite sure what to make of it. I guess that’s my little disclaimer. You’re an adult and can make your own decisions. But if you asked me whether it was worth it, I would sincerely recommend it to anyone wanting who is stuck. Books and coaching can make a big difference but sometimes we need more. This is one effective approach.

Please spread the wealth and forward this to other key people in your life.