Ask for what you want!

There are many things in life we could have if only we asked for them: referrals, time, assistance, recognition, affection, money, more referrals – the list is a long one.

Remarkable things have been granted to others just because they asked for them!

As ice hockey great Wayne Gretzky said: “You miss 100% of the shots you never take.”

So why don’t we always ask for what we want? Sometimes we are afraid of looking pushy, needy, greedy or ignorant, but most often we are afraid of being rejected. The irony here is that if you didn’t have the referral/date/job/business before you asked and you don’t have it after you asked, your situation is not any worse off. It is the same. Rejection is just a concept in your own mind.

It’s important to admit you are your number one obstacle. It is your mind that conjures up the worst case scenarios.

Author Brian Tracy notes:

“Never do or refrain from doing something because you are concerned about what people might think about you. The fact is that nobody is even thinking about you at all.”

Instead, ask yourself: what’s the best that can happen?Focus on the benefits the OTHER person will get.

Here are four other tips from Jack Canfield:

1. Ask as though you expect to get it.
First it is about believing that you deserve what you are asking for. Then if you should hear ‘no’, it’s about finding out what you might need to do differently to get what you want. Maybe you just need to ask again or at a better time. Perhaps someone else can say yes.

2. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Start by asking people you feel safer with. Your fears will shrink the more you face them.

3. Know what you want and be specific when you ask!
This is step 3 of the referral conversation. Rather than asking for “anyone they know”, request a specific person or industry that your client is familiar with.  Rather than ask for more time with a loved one, request a weekly date night of a favorite restaurant and movie.

4. Ask repeatedly.
This is not pushy if you are merely asserting your needs. Some research done at Notre Dame was quite staggering: 94% of sales people gave up after four asks yet 60% of the business came after five asks! Persistence pays.

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