Stuffed shirt vs. Authentic: Guess Who Gets the Most Referrals?

Last week a client shared a stunning story. While there are several different personality types to connect with, your best business comes from a few of them. (Do you know which?) My approach and style doesn’t resonate with everyone and neither can yours.

Many of you are familiar with my 6 step referral conversation. Step 2 is the Value Conversation: What has been most valuable about the work we’ve done so far?

A week ago a very successful financial advisor client of mine in North Carolina (I’ll call him Gene) asked a couple he was meeting with this same value question (Step 2). They had been discussing whether to move several million dollars over to him; but during the hour that they had met, a couple of other things had come up in the conversation.

At one point the wife had mentioned that they were about to get their house remodeled by a local builder. It turned out that Gene had had his house built by the same man, so he took a few minutes to share with them how pleased he was with this contractor (time he could have spent trying to ‘convince’ them that they needed to transfer their money to him).

Later, when the discussion came to their family, the wife had mentioned – very reluctantly – that they had an estranged son that they had not seen in some time. Apparently there had been a falling out because they had not approved of his new wife. Tears were shed.

Then Gene decided to share that he had a daughter who had not talked to him for over a year. And that if his granddaughter were to enter the room at that moment, she would not know who he was.  It was an emotional meeting.

Towards the end when Gene asked them the value conversation question, the husband spent ten minutes responding to how impressed he was. Then the wife highlighted the two things that had mattered most to her during the meeting – and neither had anything to do with the several million dollars. First she appreciated that he took the time to endorse the contractor.

Tears then started to well up in her eyes: “Most of all, I just feel so much better that we are not alone in having problems in our family.” Gene responded by saying: “If you have an advisor right now who tells you there’s no dysfunction in his family, he’s lying!”

The moral of the story? Being authentic, being open, disclosing real things in your life – there are times when this matters more than anything else and more than anything you can help with professionally. Yes, our clients want to know we’re competent professionally  - we wouldn’t want our dentist to tell us that she’s no idea how to do the procedure she’s about to perform (!) but it is not only acceptable to be fallible and human in life but can often become the difference in the relationship and the reason why some people will do business with us and feel comfortable recommending us to others.

Real connections lead to real trust and real relationships lead to real business.

Ask yourself the following:

1. What type of person would I prefer to do business with?
2. How authentic am I with my clients?
3. Would I share what Gene shares?
4. What does this say about my relationship with my clients?

Who else would get value from reading this? Please share the wealth and forward this on.