Are you really earning referrals? (Part Two)

Are you really earning referrals? (Part Two)

This topic should get much more air time than it does.

Last week I covered the first three points:

1. People do not talk about the ordinary.
2. When people’s expectations are met, they do NOT talk about you.
3. It’s more important to be different than it is to be better.
Click here to read that article.

4. It’s not customer service; it’s customer surprises.

I say this to emphasize that ‘business as usual’ nets zero referrals. Great customer service matters greatly but what people remember most are the nice surprises. Last weekend I opened my mailbox to find that someone who had been to a recent seminar of mine had sent me a book. (This is a very quick way to win my heart!) And it wasn’t a book that was about her business; it wasn’t some vague ruse to sell me something. On the contrary, it was a book she knew I would really want to read. Every time I see that book, I remember who gave it to me. Bottles of wine are nice, but they get consumed fast. That book will be a reference tool for as long as I live.

Here are other real life examples of people I’ve worked with as referral coaching clients or met at seminars who earn many referrals:
An insurance agent who takes one weekend/year and makes quilts for the clients who have the most policies with her.
Two mortgage brokers who offer you water, coffee or beer when you arrive (and mean it!).
An insurance agent who has a community notice board where locals can advertise for a baby sitter, sell a boat, or promote a yard sale.
A Realtor who routinely gives away fresh eggs, homemade jam, and just-made maple syrup.
A financial advisor who regularly invites his best clients to Red Sox, Patriots and Celtics games.

Ask yourself: What can I do so that my clients remember me after a meeting?
Remember: your goal is to make your clients happy. What are you doing to achieve this?
That’s when they’ll talk about you and refer you to others.

5. Keep filling up the wells with water.
Referrals are not free: You can’t get water out of an empty well.
What are you doing to build and nurture important relationships from all the people who could be referring you?

Here are three complementary considerations:
a) Help others get what they want first.

The more referrals and good ideas you give to others, the more you get.
The more you go above and beyond with a client, the more business you get.
The more you scratch the back of a center of influence, the more business comes back to you.

Why is this hard for most of us?
As humans we are innately wired to focus on our own needs 95% of the time.
It doesn’t come naturally. We have to become increasingly aware of this so we get better at it. This is the ancient law of karma. Do good and good things will come back to you.

A year or so ago I remember meeting an attorney who had brought in $1.1 million of new business for his firm in 2006. He attributed it almost entirely to the fact that he had referred so much business to others. He did a lot of giving and he didn’t keep score about who gave back. He just knew that creating that much good will would make good things happen.

b) Understand the Law of Reciprocity
Unlike the law of karma and the general habit of helping others, Arizona State professor Robert Cialdini identified another innate human quality: “We should try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided us.” 

If you do a good turn for another, that person will feel some sense of needing to reciprocate.  I mentioned earlier that great book I was sent: I now feel like I need to do something that will help this person. I’ve scheduled a coffee for this Wednesday and two days ago came across what I think would be the perfect book for her (but I need to read it first to be sure!).

It’s just the same if a friend unexpectedly helps you move house or offers to pick you up from the airport.

Sometimes it’s simply doing something for the sake of being nice – of being human.

The only caveat to this, thankfully, is that it has to be a sincere gesture. If it’s a ruse, scheme or trick, it does not have to be met with reciprocal favors!  In his book: Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion, he gives the example of Hare Krishnas giving ‘gifts’ of flowers at airports only then to ask for a donation.

Caution: if people suspect you’re just trying to sell them something, your efforts are wasted. I know this is obvious but I experience this on a weekly basis!

c) Make more emotional bank account deposits

One of the fundamental principles to getting referrals is you can’t dig from an empty well. You can’t ask for anything if you haven’t been adding value, making ‘deposits’ and filling up the well yourself first. You wouldn’t readily recommend anything if it hadn’t really done anything good for you. Your integrity is on the line.

Stephen Covey coined the phrase ‘emotional bank account’. His concept was that you can’t have a strong relationship without constantly feeding it positive ‘deposits’. When you are adding to it on a regular basis, then there can be some give and take. If you ignore building it the right way, you can’t expect anything in return. The same is true for referrals. If anything, this is the habit of always asking yourself: how can I most add value to this person?

What are you doing to earn more referrals?

Share this with your friends and peers!