Getting Referrals: You're Learning to Speak Italian

Getting Referrals: You’re Learning to Speak Italian!

For most people, getting referrals is a learned skill!

“While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior.”                                                        Henry C. Link

 If it was easy, everyone would get lots of referrals.
Getting quality referrals on a consistent basis takes effort, self-discipline, and desire.

Don’t you just have to ask? Of course you need to ask. However, it’s not just about ‘asking’. It’s not just about getting a bunch of names of random people who are not expecting your call. That’s not much better than cold calling. See 5-15-50-80. That’s why I say “getting” referrals is a learned skill. You want the people who are referred to you to be quality prospects expecting your call and looking forward to hearing from you. That’s a good referral.

Most people think that getting referrals should be pretty easy to do. But for most people it’s not. It’s got more in common with learning a foreign language. In other words, for most of us we’re going to start out trying one or two basic things to get more referrals. The more we practice it, the more we will learn and the more fluent we will get. Our confidence then starts to grow and we are more open to identifying the remaining areas where we still need to improve to get more referrals.

The point is: it’s a learning PROCESS, not an event! You don’t attend one seminar and master getting referrals. You take home a few points, work on them, keep learning and revisiting all the ideas and one step at a time you implement them into your business.

There are two main reasons why this learning process is a misunderstood concept:

1. We believe getting referrals should come quite naturally to us. I believe it’s similar to the skill of listening well or providing good customer service. We think of them as things that we just do and do quite well. Yet if we asked the people who know us, the reality may be quite different! They may well say that we interrupt too much or don’t seem to pay full attention. We may not realize that our eye contact is erratic when someone is talking to us.

We have the same misconception about referrals. That somehow it should be fairly easy to get them. For most people that’s not the case!

The same is likely true for our customer service. Almost every business owner I’ve ever met thinks his or her service is what sets them apart from their competition. Think about this. It’s impossible! Think about your daily experiences. Do most businesses wow you with their great customer service? No! It is a rare occasion when you walk out of a store or business thinking “that place had really good service.” The hard part is that even after reading this, you’re still probably thinking that you’re the exception who is a great listener and has top notch customer service! Referrals are the same way.

2. We all know one fearless salesperson that seems to find ways to ask for and get referrals all the time. We all know a business that appears to run seamlessly on referrals from people who weren’t even asked. Firstly, stop for a second and ask yourself exactly how many people really fit that description and are you sure it’s 100% accurate? Are you sure? How long did it take for them to accomplish this? 

Secondly, there are MANY reasons why a business gets to this point and this book will address them throughout. Rather like being a good listener and having great customer service, there are people who are - for whatever reason - very good in these areas. Some of them are naturals; some of them are just plain more likeable; others have worked very hard to get there and are more detail-oriented; and others have copied what successful people have done to excel in those areas.

Forget about wishing you were a natural. Be yourself and start making progress! For most people getting referrals is like learning Italian. It is a skill that needs to be learned. When we accept this, then we can have more realistic expectations about making progress one step at a time and getting more referrals.

Getting Referrals is not an overnight success.
One of the biggest myths in our culture is that ‘successful’ people are naturals and that their ‘overnight’ success was virtually pre-ordained. Yet if you read most people’s actual life story, you learn that it was not a cake walk at all and that they slogged away for many years developing their skills or project. The truth behind most highly accomplished people is that they have fallen on their faces more times than everyone else but they kept getting up AND they have learned from and used their failures well.

It’s also time to accept that the asking for referrals will probably be done badly at first – just as if you were learning Italian or like the first few times you got behind the wheel of a car. And that’s okay. It is all a process, a new habit. Certainly this is why role playing with others can make such a big difference.

The only way to get good at asking for referrals is to practice it and accept that the first few times will feel awkward. It is not going to be seamless and comfortable. There is no other way! Get used to the slight discomfort. You may be starting out at square one.

Lastly, if you’re a manager or owner, it’s okay to admit you’re not perfect! Do you expect everyone you hire to be perfect? Get the load off your shoulders and tell your sales team: “I have expertise in many areas.” Feel free to list those areas. It will make you feel better and more real when you then say: “There is one area though where I need to improve too and that’s why over the next 12 months I’ve committed to work on getting more referrals.” Your sales team already knows anyway. You might well be more respected for conceding that you too – on occasion - have human qualities!

Action Plan

Throw away the books and programs that promise an avalanche, flood, tsunami of referrals or whatever absurd metaphor sells books for people seeking a quick fix. Instead, roll up your sleeves and enjoy growing your referral business one momentum-building step at a time. The great rewards will be yours. And tomorrow you just might be able to feed all 6 billion people on the planet (kidding)!

Share the wealth! Which peer, center of influence or manager might appreciate reading this?