Referral Success Secret #6: Be Comfortable With Yourself

Referral Success Secret #6: Comfortable With Yourself

“Learn to work harder on yourself than on your job. If you work hard on your job, you can make a living; if you work hard on yourself, you can make a fortune.”
                                                                                     Jim Rohn

I had coffee recently with Shawn, a former coaching client. He has been on a roll for eight months now and has made more money in that time than in the past two (strong) years. I was fascinated by what had happened. I was sitting down with someone who had made some profound change. There were several factors (this is the real world!) behind his change. On a fundamental level he had changed his beliefs and realized that despite his humble beginnings, he could achieve whatever he wanted. Interestingly though, when I asked him what had changed, his response surprised me and reflected something that I could sense very clearly.

Two weekends ago I was at Office Max and gravitated towards the books. I came across an author I had heard of several times but never actually stopped to read: Larry Winget. When I saw the picture of him on the cover, I was amazed. He looked like one of the bikers I had spent a vacation trying to avoid the previous summer in the Black Hills of South Dakota when I had mis-timed my trip to coincide with the Sturgis biker rally! I could not believe that someone dressed like that could become a wise and popular speaker – even considered a financial expert.

Six months ago I went to see Jeffrey Gitomer present. He is an outstanding authority on sales and seeing him was well worthwhile. While I knew how he would be dressed because I had read some of his books and I get his weekly e-zine, I could not help but marvel that 1,000 people had paid $99 to see him and did not care that there are neater dressed janitorial professionals out there!

Two weeks ago I met up with a commercial realtor in his late 20’s. He owns a resort in the Caribbean and has already earned enough money to retire on. Yet he looks and dresses one notch above someone who might help me at my favorite outdoor recreation store pick out camping or hiking equipment.

So what do they all have in common and how can it help your referral business?

“I am more comfortable with myself,” is what Shawn told me. He told me that he had recently been complimented by a new client for wearing jeans at his high-end financial service office (and not fancy designer jeans; he’d been wearing them for four straight days after a hunting trip!). Others had found it funny that he had not shaven that day. He was much more comfortable about himself, he was getting more business and more referrals. Look at Gitomer (and I’ve met him), look at Winget and they come across as about as real as can be. There are no heirs and graces.

On a scale of 1-10, how comfortable are you with yourself?

We can all sense this (perhaps some people more than others). People who are comfortable in their own skin exude a different air. Sometimes we can’t even put it into words. I am not sure where how you dress comes into it. I notice all four of my examples suggest dressing up is over-rated. But I can think of times when someone dressing very casually has hurt their credibility.

The real point is that this comfort is an INSIDE JOB.

Why does this matter? In Harry Beckwith’s 2007 book, You, Inc, he wrote; “overwhelming evidence shows that clients do not choose the “best” firm. They cannot conclusively decide who is the best. Instead, their answer to “Why do you continue to work with the person and the firm” is one word: ‘comfort’.”  

People have more confidence in you when they perceive you as more real. Then they are more likely to know, like and trust you and refer you business. And why wouldn’t they? There’s less being hidden. If you are a very personable individual who suddenly puts on business attire and becomes what you think you should be and not who you truly are, chances are you’re hurting your referral business too by not letting your true personality shine.  The latest buzz word expressing this is AUTHENTICITY.

What else was more real about Shawn?
He was more open and centered about the importance of his religious faith.
He was drawing more boundaries and being more direct with prospects about how he could help.
He was being a lot less needy – not chasing people he did not like regardless of whether they would make an A client or not.
He was seeing a bigger picture about our world and accepting more of the things he could not control.
He was worrying less and accepting that when something did not come through, he knew it was not the right season.
He was clearer about his priorities in life. He was spending more time with his daughter, taking more vacations, coming back fresher and more upbeat.
He had decided to have more fun after going on a morning run a few months ago and noticing how miserable all the commuters looked!

Since 92% of our communication is non-verbal, do you suppose that his clients and prospects can pick up on his comfort with the world in his eyes, his tone of voice and his body language (and his appearance!)? His non-verbal enjoyment of life was virtually screaming at me!

What can you do?
What activities bring you peace of mind? How can you do more of them? Are you really excited about your goals?

What are you struggling against right now? Can you accept that the season may not be here yet and still take responsibility for being proactive about it?

What do you need to do to feel more centered more consistently?

Shawn said to me: “Matt, I don’t own the team; I can’t control the universe. But I am my own quarterback.”

Are there other managers, trainers, centers of influence, or referral partners who might get value from this? Please forward it on.