7 Ways to Overcome Networking Reluctance.
Last week I wrote about all the great reasons to network. Many of these were probably no great surprise – rather like reading about the benefits to regular exercise. If it’s such a no-brainer, why do so few people network and what are the solutions to these challenges?
Challenge#1: Ignorance is not bliss: many people do not realize all the great benefits to networking.
Solution #1: Know the benefits to networking. Re-read last week’s ezine which is on my website. These are the whys, your motivation, to want to do it.
Challenge #2:
Fear of rejection and fear of meeting new people - it’s the same challenge for many as picking up the phone, speaking to groups, and asking for business or referrals.
As children most of us experience some emotionally painful rejection and make some strong reactive decisions (often at a very young age) that we never want to experience that rejection again. The challenge is we are still listening to this young child’s bad advice.
Solution #2: Understand that almost everyone else is scared of people and rejection too. You’re playing a Mental Game and need to face your fears. When you walk into a room full of strangers, almost everyone is uncomfortable. Use this knowledge to empower yourself and use it to remind yourself regularly that you are far from alone. You might as well enjoy yourself!
Focus on the other person: The founder of Mary Kay had a great saying that everyone has an invisible sign around their neck that says: “Make me feel important.” Yes, it’s a smart way to treat someone; yes, it also reduces their fears, but most importantly it gets your focus off yourself and onto something constructive. Your fears will be reduced.
Robert Middleton asks why would we listen to the advice of a young child that says: “Be afraid of everyone because you might get hurt”?
Challenge #3: 80% of people are resistant to change and scared to step out of their comfort zone.
Brian Tracy calls the comfort zone: “one of the greatest enemies of human potential.” Networking often makes people uncomfortable.
Why don’t we want to change? We are creatures of habit. We get used to being a certain way even if it doesn’t work very well. Read that line again because it’s true for all areas of our life; it’s profound – really! Is it time to get used to something better?
Solution #3: Step out of your comfort zone more often. It will get easier each time. Courage is the #1 character trait of top sales professionals and it is a prerequisite for happiness. Embrace new ideas and habits that work well for people who have what you want.
Ask yourself: what makes me uncomfortable that I need to start doing more to get where I want to go?
Challenge #4: Most people think networking should be pretty easy to do (like listening well or providing good customer service) when in fact for most people it is a skill that needs to be learned and does not come easily. There is a lot of ignorance. Many people do not realize that becoming successful at anything usually involves doing it badly first.
There’s a false perception that when it comes to networking, you’ve either got it or you don’t. There’s an equally false perception that when it comes to becoming successful, you’ve either got it or you don’t. Ironically there are no secrets as to what it takes to become successful – only ignorance, motivation and persistence.
Solution #4: When it comes to networking, accept that you’ll probably do it badly first. This solution is about frequent reassurance for your mind! It’s no different than if speaking Italian or playing the piano well were pre-requisites for your success; you’re going to start out at square one. It really is similar for most people with networking; the hard part is we think it should be easy for us so we can’t understand our reluctance. The other challenge is that there are a few people out there who are naturals at networking and that’s intimidating – yet it’s no different than people who can pick up a foreign language or musical instrument much more easily than others.
Challenge #5: Competence and fear of failure: very rarely does someone teach you how to network and people do not rush out to do something badly in public!
For example: we don’t invite friends over to hear us sing opera, show martial arts moves, or educate others about fine wines if we can’t do it well and don’t know the first thing about it.
Solution #5: Learn the skill better. Bring in an expert on the topic who grew their own business by networking (of course I’d be happy to do this!).
There are numerous articles on my website and numerous great books out there too:
Thomas J. Stanley, Networking with Millionaires (audio)
Keith Ferrazzi, Never Eat Alone
Harvey Mackay, Dig Your Well Before You’re Thirsty
Bob Burg: Endless Referrals
Susan RoAne, How to Work a Room
Tim Sanders, Love is the Killer App
Richard Abraham, Mr. Schmooze
Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
Notice! I don’t just say go out and do it. Yes, that’s a must but it’s not just about getting out there. There are plenty of people who do not understand what networking is, do not improve, and spend years mired in mediocrity and ineffective habits.
Challenge #6: It doesn’t get prioritized.
Solution #6: Develop new habits = schedule time to network and actually do it! These can just as easily be 1:1 coffees and lunches. But it’s not just showing up and getting along with a bunch of people.
Challenge #7. To succeed in networking, you have to want to help others.
Solution #7: For most people this requires a paradigm shift.
Networking only works:
a) When people like you
b) And sense that you’re not just out there for yourself.
We are wired to focus on our own needs 95% of the time: for success you have to want the people in your network to succeed. You often have to give first and keep giving.
a) New action habit: Schedule time to add value to top people in your network
b) New mental habit: Develop new way of thinking that puts the needs of others high on your priority list.
Take Action!
The exciting part is that most people are not willing to do what successful people do, so if you do take action and learn to do it well, the results will come.
Be a resource! Forward this on to others who might appreciate it.
