The 6 Steps to a Fearless Referral Conversation

Most business owners are still looking for a way to ask referrals that feels comfortable. Granted, many of the first concerns people have about asking are mental. They are false beliefs that get in the way, such as “I might come across as pushy” or “it will make me look needy.” This would be a fair concern if you haven’t brought much value or if you’ve simply done your job.

But once you are clear that you have earned the referral (see Step 2 below), your focus needs to be on developing the skills to ask effectively and on knowing what to say that works with the 21st century consumer. I repeat: getting good at bringing in referrals is a learnable skill. It is about developing a conversation you can get comfortable with that feels increasingly like a natural train of thought.

Your brain connects the dots as you talk: a) you hear that your client is happy; b) you figure there must be others that would want to feel this positively; c) YOU identify specific people/doors for your client to open for you and d) you coach them what to say so you get a warmed up referral. Here’s how these dots connect in the 6 steps:

1. Acknowledge your client

GALLUP research has found that we are starved of positive recognition. Lack of it is the main reason Americans choose to leave their jobs. It’s the primary need we have after food, clothing and shelter. So take some time towards the end of a meeting to give specific, sincere reasons why your client has made some smart decisions and what impresses you about them. Consider using statistics that demonstrate how few people are as wise as they are. Remind them of the pitfalls they are now avoiding. After all, you’re selling peace of mind.

Just be aware that commending others is a skill and most professionals need time to practice this. Most of us are not very good at it. Lastly, pause to let your compliments sink in.

2. Value Conversation

Now your client is feeling pleased, you request positive feedback. Ask an open-ended question along the lines of: “What have you gotten most out of our work together so far?”

You will hear in the tone of the client’s voice whether you have earned the right to ask for a referral or not. Do not go to Step 3 if the response you get is flat. Simply ask what you can improve on and address that.

Feel comfortable digging. Many clients need more time to think, so after their first response, say: “I appreciate the feedback. Anything else that’s been helpful?”

3. Get specific

This is the most important step. It does NOT work to ask: “Who else might benefit from my services?” Most people do not talk to others about what you do so they will shake their heads and tell you they can’t think of anyone.

And it is very rare that someone comes to us and says: “Can you refer me to a good accountant/dentist/insurance agent?”

It is YOUR JOB to figure out ahead of time who you would like your client to introduce you to OR which door you would like them to open for you (maybe they can get you into a company/organization/workshop/event/center of influence meeting). You identify these opportunities by having curious conversations to ‘fish’ for important people/groups in their life that they LIKE (otherwise they won’t be comfortable asking for you).

Either ask directly about a specific person or ask the expert (the client). “I’m really glad that you’ve found our work so meaningful. And I know you’ve mentioned that you work with numerous other executives/bankers/owners of contracting companies/physicians/(people I’m looking for). I’m guessing you don’t spend much time talking about the kinds of things we’ve discussed (!) (see STEP 4), but how would YOU recommend finding out if some of them might be open to hearing from me?”

Try this a few times and you will be really glad you read this article. Your clients will respond so much more positively to being asked for their expertise and given ownership of this than you telling them what to do. The worst-case scenario is they are unsure and you feed them some suggestions. But most of the time your end outcome will be better as they become your advocates helping people they care about.

4. Reduce the client’s resistance

Weave into your referral request an acknowledgment that you don’t expect your client to know all about the other person’s (ex. financial) situation or (ex.web design) needs. This is a subtle yet valuable point to make. Most people do not know what others do with their finances or marketing dollars or IT services. Their doubt with the topic (and any concerns they may have about bringing it up in conversation) is one key reason why you sense pushback. This can also apply to how you will follow up.

5. Coach the client how to warm up the referral

If you just have the name and number of someone not expecting your call, it will only lead to business about 15% of the time. If you get it warmed up so your prospect has agreed to hear from you, your chances of business go up to 50% (and a personal introduction: 80%!). It’s worth taking the extra step.

It is your job to put yourself in your client’s shoes and figure out with them what the most effective and comfortable way will be for them to open the door for you. Personal introduction? Face to face conversation? Email?

“All you need to tell her is what another client of mine tells his friends: I don’t know how happy you are with your current advisor/lender/attorney but Matt’s a great guy. He’s well worth at least having a quick conversation with. Would you mind if he drops you a line some time?”

6. Keep control of the process

Ask: “When should I get back to you to see if she might be interested?” Do not change the wording on this! Let your client verbally commit to you. Following up is easier and far more effective when it is their idea.

Practice these steps until they flow for you. You will get results.

Who else wants to know how to get better at asking for referrals? Please forward this on to them and spread the wealth!